I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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