Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
