I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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