Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
