he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
