but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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