hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did i walk over a car last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
