At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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