I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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