You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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