Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
