I cockslap morals
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
