I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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