I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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