I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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