You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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