i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
