If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
