I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
