So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
should my penis look like a turkey
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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