South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
