I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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