people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
