Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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