So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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