she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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