Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
