The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
