i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize