if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
