We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
