What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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