I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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