So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
