Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
