Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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