he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
