Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
