so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize