I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
