She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
