I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
