We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
