there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
