he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
