The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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