i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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