After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
