I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
