I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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