It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
