bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
