Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
