You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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