i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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