We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
