People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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