i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
