The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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