I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Congratulations! We have a period
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
