After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your cock deserves a montage
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
