No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
