Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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(630): View more from Illinois

He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

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(889): View more from

found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.

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(253): View more from Washington

Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.

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(757): View more from Virginia

No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.

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(714): View more from California

There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.

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