She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
