We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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