We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
