8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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