i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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