Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
